Friday, September 13, 2013

Remembrance Outside the Box

This week marked the 12th anniversary of September 11th, and the first year I didn’t formally commemorate the horrible events of the day. It wasn’t a deliberate decision at first. A month ago I was trying to find a mutually available date for lunch with a former boss, and Wednesday the 11th is what we settled on after much back and forth.  As I entered the lunch date into my schedule, I realized the significance of the day and was oddly relieved.

Admittedly, it’s not easy to live a mere four blocks away from ground zero on the anniversary of the attacks. The preparation for remembrance starts many days before with a beefed up police presence, then come road blocks and barricades, then the frighteningly loud convoy of motorcycle riders circling the area at midnight on the eve of the attacks. Aside from having commercial jets fly dangerously low, I don’t think there’s any more you could do to shake one’s nerves to the core. So, I guess it’s not surprising that when I had an opportunity to get out of Dodge, I took it.  
But it was more than that. When I awoke this Wednesday morning, my husband asked me if I was ready to turn on NY 1 and watch the reading of the names.  Before I could even rub the sleep out of my eyes, I replied an unequivocal “no.”  Steve nodded and I believe he was relieved as well.
It’s not that I’m ready to forget, it’s just that I’m tired of remembering in this very pomp-and-circumstance-public-political way.
Yes, 9/11 changed the world. The consequences of the attacks have touched everyone who was alive that day and everyone born afterwards. But it directly affected millions of New Yorkers, hundreds of passengers and their families on the three flights that were hijacked and crashed, and the workers in the pentagon. And I believe that we who were directly affected have the right to remember the day in a very private and personal way.
That’s why I decided that in my post today, I would recount my own experience that day.  It is not nearly as dramatic as many of my friends’ accounts or as grim and upheaval-causing as what my husband lived through, but it is mine and no one else’s. It doesn’t require a live telecast or elected officials to mark it; Just me, here at my laptop.
I hit the snooze an extra time on September 11, 2001. It was primary day and I had told my staff I would be in late after voting. I figured the polls would not be so busy and I would catch a bit more sleep under the auspices of fulfilling my civic duty. As usual, NY 1 was on my TV as I rushed around my studio apartment in Gramercy Park getting ready to leave for the day. I was in the bathroom putting on make-up when Pat Kiernan announced that there various reports of a plane flying into the World Trade Center. I rushed into my living/bedroom and sat down. I would not get up for some time. I called my mother living in Westchester to share this odd story. We continued to speak as I watched the story unfold. At first reporters assumed it was a private plane gone awry, but soon we would all be disabused of those impressions as the second plane crashed into the second tower.
Now, this is when my behavior doesn’t really make sense. I hung up with my mom and was determined to get to work. Why? I just felt compelled to be with my staff and perhaps be of service. But I believe now that I just needed to be with fellow New Yorkers. If this was the end of the world I didn’t want to be alone.
I grabbed a cab and when my eyes met with the cabbie’s I immediately knew he knew what was happening. I told him I needed to go to Houston and Sixth Avenue. He told me he’d try to get me as far south and west as possible but that they were already blocking off streets. He dropped me at West Broadway and I ran the rest of the way.
In those days as Director of Development at Gilda’s Club NYC, I worked on the fourth floor of an historic brownstone. My office was more like a parlor with a flowered couch, comfy chairs and a TV. There I found my staff huddled around watching the coverage. Most days, they annoyed me with their petty disputes and their resistance to new work. Today, I was elated to find them all alive.
When they announced that one of the planes was flight 11 from Logan Airport, a chill ran down my spine. My stepmother, Carol, had been working that run for years as a flight attendant for American Airlines. I immediately grabbed the phone and called her cell. In a huge moment of grace, she picked up the line bleary and sleepy 3000 miles away in Los Angeles having landed from flight 11 just several hours before. I was the one to let her know what was happening and that her coworkers had perished.
When I hung up I thought about who else I should call to let them know I was safe. I had the sudden thought that I should call my grandparents. Of course, they all had been dead for years. But for some reason, they kept popping in my head. Today, I believe they were with me the entire day. And because this is my story and no one else’s this is my truth.
When the first tower fell, my coworkers and I rushed up to the roof. We had to see with our own eyes, unfiltered by the television screen. It couldn’t be real, could it? Shortly after we gathered on the roof and watched the dust cloud settle, the second tower fell. We gasped. There was an eerie silence -- as if the city had been muted by an alien remote control.  I began to really think this was the end. This was it. No more New York. No more life.
My boss made the decision to send us all home early. For those of us in Manhattan it was clear we would be walking. For others it was unclear how they would get home. As the door to the townhouse locked I wasn’t sure I’d ever see any of them again. I started down Sixth Avenue alone and was struck by the sight of people casually eating lunch at Bar Pitti and other outdoor restaurants and cafes. It was like something from a Fellini film.  A dark smoke cloud hovered ominously above, ash-covered zombie-like workers from wall street were trudging their way uptown having witnessed death and destruction first-hand while denizens of Soho sipped on fruity cocktails and dipped their forks into crisp salads. Denial can be very soothing.
I stopped by the old Cabrini Hospital to see if they needed blood, but no bodies nor wounded had arrived. They didn’t know what they needed and turned away me and many other well-meaning New Yorkers. I continued up Third Avenue and passed my childhood idol, former New York Met Rusty Staub, on the street. You can’t miss him. He’s tall and stout with flaming red hair. When he played for the Montreal Expos they called him “Le Grande Orange.” We both smiled at each other as if we were old friends. Things had become officially surreal.  
I reluctantly entered my apartment desperately still needing human contact but not knowing where I should or could go safely. Instead I watched the news compulsively and manned the phones – checking the locations of all my loved ones and recounting what I saw to family and transplanted New Yorkers.
I called my closest friend at the time I learned her brother-in-law – a mentally disabled adult working in the mail room at Cantor Fitzgerald -- was gone.  Her husband, a trader for Goldman Sachs, said when he arrived home that he was covered in his brother’s ashes. I will never forget that image or the sweet man who was part of an extended family for me. I had worked with the staff at Windows on the World for many events and mourn their loss.  There are many more people who I had known in one way or another, but I do feel blessed that I didn’t lose anyone close to me that day.
In the days that followed, unable to get downtown to my office, I spent quiet, comforting days in friends’ homes talking, playing music (or, in my case, listening to others play music!) and eating whatever we had in the fridge.
Slowly, life returned. Not to normal. No, there would never be normal again. But there was life, work and even play after a while. Well, at least for me.
It was surreal, frightening, strange, inconvenient but not personally tragic for me. I lost some acquaintances. I lost the two iconic structures that I watched being erected as a kid in Brooklyn and believed belonged to me. I lost a sense of false security that I will never get back along with the ability to travel through American airports with a Muslim surname without being stopped. But I didn’t lose a member of my family, or my job or my place to live.
My story is my story. It doesn’t fit into a patriotic one-size-fits-all box. That is why I’m glad that I spent this Wednesday afternoon having an enjoyable lunch in midtown followed by some productive shopping at Marshalls.
And that is why I am glad to share my story with you – my friends – today. The process of recalling that day – moment by moment – on paper has been hugely powerful and I am grateful for the opportunity.
Now, I invite you to share your stories with me – whether you think I know them or not.

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