My Name is Karen and I am a Feminist

            I was born in the middle of the “women’s liberation movement.” It was an exciting time when women replaced apron strings for miniskirts, they joined “consciousness-raising groups, they wrote sexually-explicit novels where the heroines called the shots,  they demanded equal pay for equal work and to be considered for non-traditional work in offices, construction sites and in government.  Divorce rates rose and disgruntled and smothered women left their husbands to “find themselves.”  This movement was mirrored in movies, television and magazines (the entirety of the media basically in that age.) Media idols like Mary Tyler Moore, Jane Fonda and Sally Field showed us we could still be feminine and attractive while forging new trails for our sisters.

In those days how could you be anything other than a feminist? You’d have to be an Archie Bunker-like ignorant blow hard to deny our rights and our equality.  Those who defied us were, in fact, portrayed as old fashioned buffoons.

So when did feminism become a dirty word?

As my readers now, I am currently enrolled at NYU pursuing a certificate in Wellness. I am currently in a class studying the psychological aspects of wellness. Half of my class are bright, young women a year or so post college. The other day one of them began to explain her feelings about gender differences with regard to emotional relationships. She abruptly stopped herself and apologized for “sounding like a feminist.” 

I, in my inimitable subtle style blurted out “what wrong with that.” No one answered me and the class discussion continued as if this apology had been accepted without question. My heart sank.

In the 30 years or so since I’ve been a teenage girl looking up to my feminist role models it seems that not only have we stopped progressing but that the movement never happened. It’s like waking up after a long coma to find that aliens have taken over your planet and the society now worships something as despicable as earthworms.

It is clear that women in this society are in crisis – but non many of us know itWe’ve made little progress protection women from domestic violence, and our rights to terminate pregnancies is quickly vanishing.  It is horrifying to me that many women politicians are joining in to strip these rights away. Even something as simple equal pay for equal work – the foundation of the once controversial “ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) never did pass and is rarely discussed seriously in corridors of power anymore.

Worse still, women’s self-esteem and body issues continue to grow worse leading to eating disorders, cutting, drugs promiscuity and other dangerous behaviors. 

Pervasive non-stop media (social and otherwise) is most certainly a cause. Girls and young women are bombarded with images of overly thin, overly sexualized women. These images transmit the message that their bodies are commodities and their self-worth is tied to whether their body resembles these “ideal” forms.   

What happened to my female heroes of the silver screen? They seemed to have retired quietly. Women rarely portray brave, everyday heroines who stand up to men or giant corporations. Instead prominent female roles primarily support the flashier male roles. In fact, over the last ten years, the roles that have garnered actresses Oscars have been historical figures such as Margaret Thatcher or Queen Elizabeth, June Carter Cash or the serial killer Eileen Wormos.  Sandra Bullock snatched her statue for playing a strong, affluent southern mom who champions a poor African American boy so he can play football for her alma mater, all the while by putting food (albeit take out) on the table. Not exactly Norma Rae. Then of course there’s Jennifer Lawrence’s quirky, slutty dance fiend who draws Bradley Cooper out of his funk. Or poor Hillary Swank who dreams of boxing to pull herself our of poverty and misery only to be ostensibly murdered in the ring and “saved” from further misery by her patriarchal coach. Sigh.

 

These are not women that young girls can exactly aspire to be.  Sure, one can argue that women have become action heroes. And I guess that would be a bit of progress if they didn’t appear to be just heavily armed Barbie dolls with guns like Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft series. And on TV, women are back to being frustrated moms, sexy girlfriends – but that’s scripted TV. Of course reality TV is where the devil resides when it comes to this crisis.

Reality TV shows pitting women and against women for the attention of a strange man, instant fame and fortune due to sex tapes, and waif-like supermodels have created a world for girls where the skinniest and sluttiest are winners. But that of course is not the case in the “real world” where the seats of actual power – the boards of Fortune 500 companies, elected government positions, religious hierarchies and the leadership of media organizations -- are primarily still occupied by men. 

Now, as a student pursuing my certificate in wellness, I am very interested in helping women overcome eating disorders, malnutrition among other self-destructive behaviors that are clearly the end result of low-self worth.  When trying to have someone adopt a new behavior or belief system it is more effective to give them a new positive notion to adopt rather than just information that the old idea is harmful.  For example, when helping someone change eating habits you can’t just tell them to stop eating burgers and fries, you need to show them what foods are good for them and ones that they might enjoy.  So, when attempting to remove patterns of negative thinking from individuals

Therefore, to me the answer is both simple and yet seemingly impossible. We need work to eliminate the negative messages on TV, the internet and movies that tell us that our bodies are merely commodities and our worth is tied to whether these bodies resemble some warped ideal. We need to replace them with images of women and girls succeeding because of attributes other than conventional beauty. This could inspire a new generation of women to rise to take back their power.  For every well-armed Barbie doll we need equal or greater access to images that celebrate intelligence, compassion, courage, creativity, humor, strength and other important qualities that actually lead to success in life. I would love to give a current example of popular character who exemplifies that but I can't think of one. 

The first step is that we stopping participating in the problem. What does that mean? It means that you don’t watch The Real Housewives of Anyplace or any show that depicts women as greedy, dependent, idiot fembots. It means that we reconsider our relationship to designer clothes and accessories that encourage us to spend our capital on useless ephemera instead of saving or investing funds that will ultimately lead to greater independence and power.  If you think about how many women -- even midldleclass women -- who are unable to leave their abusive husbands or just unfulfilling relationships because they can’t afford to leave, and you might think twice about your next pair of Louboutins. And if you already have a healthy bank account, perhaps those shopping dollars could be better spent in the coffers of organizations that help women escape the horrors of slave trafficking, or that educate inner city girls, or provide equal access to sports in communities that only focus on boys. The opportunities for you to help are limitless.   

 

And,  because words have so much power,  I ask respectfully that you please remove the word girl from your speech when referring to any female over the age of 18. Girls don't enact laws, girls don't run companies, girls don't change the world. Would you call Hillary Clinton a girl?

 

But, more importantly, we need women to stop being afraid of being feminists. So, if you already agree with everything I've written then please speak up. Shout if from the rooftops. Be proud of being a feminist. 

Come on join me.  Say it…My name is _____ and I’m a feminist. Simple. Together we can reverse the regression of our movement just as quickly and insidiously as we have lost our way. Happy Friday my sisters (and brothers!)