Think globally, act kindly

Last night my usually rational and sophisticated mother was in a bit of a panic. She had been watching a television show on the History Channel about artificial intelligence in which several experts were convinced that computers and robots would become self-aware and eventually overthrow man by – get this – the year 2040.

By citing examples like the Y2K scare and the novel 1984, I assured her that most prognosticators of doom have been proved wrong. But more importantly, I spoke to her about something that I think we need to remember – especially at this time of year. When I start to worry about global climate change, underperforming antioxidants in my system or potential terrorist attacks in lower Manhattan I must remind myself that all I can control in life is my own behavior, and considering that I don’t always do such a stellar job with that, I should really focus on what I can change.

In fact, the reason I was speaking with my mother at all last night at 10 pm was to apologize to her for my bad behavior earlier in the day. I had freaked out about her grocery shopping for the Christmas meal that I was to cook. In Karen’s world, only the chef shops for her food, I mean I have certain standards! I continued to rant and complain even after I learned that my mother had purchased quality ingredients. Bad, bad Karen! Later when I was walking Rollo by the Hudson and breathing deeply, I realized how horrible I had been. I was agitated trying to please everyone, so I took it out on my poor mommy. Hence the post-dinner amend-making phone call.

That was something I could do to make the world a little better. Those who know my easy-going and loving mom know that she was not holding a grudge. But I do think it made her feel a bit more comforted to know how much I do love and appreciate her right before she sacked out.

I understand that my sphere of influence is rather trivial. I have a dozen or so friends that I see on a weekly basis, a tiny family, a bunch of neighbors, a handful of devoted blog readers and Facebook friends, a small community of fellow students, and absolutely no coworkers.  But I often like to think of the ripple effect that my behavior can initiate. So although, I’m not responsible for passing legislation or airlifting refugees out of Cambodia, maybe my actions can make a difference in the world.

Aside from acting kindly when I can, I have spoken boldly in this blog before about the importance of voting, publicly espousing my feminism, recycling and using natural products, etc. – these are my ways of acting locally but thinking globally. Sure, there’s a continent of plastic floating in the Pacific, but it sure as hell ain’t gone be my Poland Spring.

But sometimes I think I am the last of a dying breed. Not that I'm the only person trying to be kind -- thank god there are those much more generous, magnanimous and patient than I. No, I'm talking about a growing trend of taking care of #1 before seeing to the needs of others. For example, last night before I went to sleep I settled in with my copy of Real Simple and read one of my favorite features, the etiquette column. A reader wrote in and complained about an elderly neighbor who often appeared at her door bearing gifts of banana bread and the like. This nice old man had the audacity to try to engage her in lengthy chats over the threshold. This too busy graduate student couldn’t tolerate these intrusions because of other demands on her precious time. I thought that was kind of selfish and sleazy. But what outraged me more than her ingratitude and lack of patience was the fact that the etiquette columnist coached her on how to politely send this guy packing. Seriously? I reread it twice to make sure I wasn't confused. 

My feeling is that unless you are in fact airlifting refugees out of Cambodia then anything you are doing can wait ten or fifteen minutes to enrich the day of a senior citizen. I think that would be an even more significant accomplishment than any degree she could earn. And that should mean a lot considering that I am currently a busy student myself!

When I am nearing the end of my life, I don’t think I will look back in pride at the pages I read, the tests that I aced, or the papers I wrote. Instead I will remember the love. The love that I have received – albeit inconvenient at times – and the love I have given (sometimes begrudgingly.)

This is it friends. This is life, not a dress rehearsal. If we’re not kind and patient with the other humans around us then what is the point of life exactly. So when tempted to complain, nag, insult, brag, criticize, scoff, gossip or roll your eyes, just breathe and try to be kind. It may not cure cancer, but then again it might.

Merry Christmas and safe travels to all of you!

P.S. I am not renewing my subscription to Real Simple in 2014