Why We Hate Tourists

Of course New Yorkers don’t hate tourists. But we are often very frustrated by them, and we do judge them.

I live just steps away from Ground Zero (or are we calling it the Freedom Tower, or the 911 Memorial or something else now?) It’s got to be one of the more popular sites to see among tourists both domestic and international. Hoards of them descend the steps of their tour busses led like cattle to the slaughter down Church Street or they climb wearily out of the Chambers Street Station dazed and confused by their surroundings. They consult their paper maps or check the GPS on their phones and often ignore the neighborhood people passing by – people who know where they are going and would happily give them directions. I know because I’m one of them and I have given directions to hundreds of tourists – even in French (to the utter shock of one family visiting from Paris!) But these days, the tourists would rather ignore New Yorkers as if we’re just part of the crazy scenery and rely on their unreliable technology.

So that’s reason #1. No one likes to be objectified or – even worse – feel invisible. And I believe that many tourists think of us natives as just part of their tourist experience. We’re not actually humans with families and jobs and homes like them. As they take photos on the subway it doesn’t seem to matter that I’m part of the background as much as the ad for Manhattan Mini Storage. I usually change seats so that I don’t wind up in some naugahyde album next to a photo of the naked cowboy of Times Square.

Reason #2 lies squarely on our shoulders. And that’s the fact that tourists don’t look like us and it’s just plain old human nature to dislike and fear the different. It’s called xenophobia. Come on, you can spot them as easily as I. They’re wearing crewneck sweatshirts with some local team or school emblazoned on it over sturdy walking shorts and sneakers. It’s really the sneakers that make them stand out. New Yorkers can walk the mean streets all the live long day in just about everything from flip flops to stillettos. Even when my plantar fasciitis was at its worse I would never had considered wearing athletic sneakers with anything other than gym togs on my way to the gym. Foot wear distinguishes the foreign tourists as well. Notice the happy somewhat fatigued family of blondes across from you on the F train. Now look at their feet. You’ll see a species of leather flat walking shoes that you know has never existed in DSW. They look well-made, utilitarian but just slightly funky. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that family is from Germany or somewhere close to that.

But even with sensible walking shoes, tourists just can’t seem to keep up with the pace of native New Yorkers. And that brings me to reason #3: You’re in my fucking way! If I could write a guidebook for people planning a visit to New York City the first chapter would be called, “Don’t Gather on the top of the Subway Stairs!” Subsequent chapters may be called, “don’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk,” “don’t take forever to order your drinks in Starbucks,” and “please cross the street when the traffic has stopped.” There are many famous expressions known world-wide about the pace of New Yorkers: the city that doesn’t sleep, in a New York minute, etc. So I am pleading with you tourists, please train before you come here. Walk around the mall speedily a few times without stopping at Aunt Annies, and see if that helps. 

Of course, it could be that we’re all just jealous that these people actually have the time to stop and smell the….the urine, I guess (it is summer after all.) It would be nice to be able to spend time with your family and friends, eating pizza, seeing historical sites, shopping at Century 21, riding on the Circle Line with the breeze off the Hudson on your skin. So I guess reason #4 is envy. It’s really hard to admit, but wouldn’t we rather be on vacation and wouldn’t it be nice not to rush around and worry about how we appear to our fellow New Yorkers?

But as I thought about this issue a bit more I began to have darker thoughts that I am going to share with you with some reservations. In the last few weeks there have been a few polarizing issues in the national news: the Paula Deen “N” word controversy, the abortion issue raging in the Texas State Senate and the Supreme Court decision regarding marriage equality. Again, the country seems divided among the red and blue states, between liberals and conservatives. As a liberal it always seemed to me that the conservatives make these issues about our morality rather than keeping it about civil liberties. And that is my thinking behind reason #5. I think that secretly – or not so secretly – that many of our visitors from other parts of the country probably judge or even hate liberals, Jews, ethnic minorities and gays, or in other words, all of us. When sharing this dark thought to some friends they even agreed that could be a reason for their visit: to gawk at the animals in the zoo as it were, to observe up close the objects of their derision.

Here’s the thing, I don’t want to believe this. Deep down in my fiercely liberal heart I want to believe in the good of all people. I want to hang on to the idea that if we’ve become unfortunately warped by our environment, that the kernel of light and truth can still reside in the hearts of everyone. But sometimes when I hear a southern or Midwestern accent in a loud oblivious volume those dark thoughts begin to rise to the surface.

But I won’t let these dark thoughts or even the lighter ones listed above change my behavior. I’m still going to let them pet my dog because yes, he is a beautiful boy! And I’m going to give directions when asked and even sometimes when not asked. I’m going to be grateful that they’re bringing much-needed revenue to my hometown. I’m going to take a deep breath when they’re in my way.

Bring on the summer tourists. We're ready.