To Move or Not to Move

Where I grew up we referred to Manhattan as “the city” even though we were, in fact, living within the geographic boundaries of New York City. But this inaccurate description was really more about the sophistication, the vastness, the glamour and the gravity that Manhattan represented. When we heard Frank Sinatra sing, “if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere,” I’m pretty sure he wasn’t crooning about Mill Basin, Brooklyn or Astoria, Queens.

As a child, I understood that Manhattan would be my eventual home: sixteen miles from my birthplace in the above-mentioned Mill Basin, but a world away.  But, I didn’t feel the kind of yearning you associate with wide-eyed transplants from Iowa hoping to make it big on Broadway, it was more like pleasant resignation. I mean….where else would I go? Long Island? New Jersey? Westchester?

There’s nothing wrong with those communities, they just didn’t call to me. I always felt like I was different from my friends and their families with both mothers and fathers and more traditional upbringings. I just knew I belonged on that mysterious island of misfits and superstars hoping that I’d find a place to fit in. I’d find a cozy garret somewhere, wear fabulous clothes, and have interesting friends and exciting experiences that would provide wonderful fodder to write about.

And, guess what…it all came true. So why do I sometimes suffer from mild cases of suburban envy?

As I mentioned in my very first installment of this blog, it’s not easy being the last of a dying breed. There’s a reason that my childhood friends live in Long Island and my college buddies who all settled with me on the upper east side right after graduation have returned to their hometowns or the burbs, and other one-time New Yorkers have moved on to different cities like San Francisco, Atlanta or Seattle. New York is not for wussies. It makes common aspects of the “American Dream” like home ownership, child rearing and driving nearly impossible – especially for the middle class.

I began to give this whole conundrum serious thought after I was interviewed for an article for the New York Times earlier this year (click here to read the article) after the reporter had discovered this blog. She asked me what I had to give up to stay here and what my friends living elsewhere wouldn’t understand. My answer was long and had multiple parts.

So my question is now: is it worth it to stay in Manhattan? Given the enormous financial, emotional and logistical upheaval a move would cause, I decided to develop a list of pros and cons. For your consideration:

Pro: The Subway. Oh how I love the subway! My fixation on efficiency of cost, energy and time is utterly soothed by a subway ride despite the crowd and periodic delays. I am still thrilled at the notion of travelling from Coney Island to the upper reaches of the Bronx for just $2.50 –even though I have never and probably will never take that ride.

Con: No Car. I often feel like some kind of alien when I admit that I’ve never owned a car. It seems like an automobile is more like an appendage for most American adults and a second home to some. When it’s time to visit friends or family in the burbs it would be so much easier to just climb in our car and go directly there instead of walking to the City Hall, waiting for the #5, negotiating our way through Grand Central for an 75 minute ride on Metro North – all with overnight bags, gifts, and dog in tow. But given the fact that most garages charge upwards of $600 a month (plus insurance, gas and maintenance) this is not an option for me or other middle classers.

Pro: The best food in the world. At any given time of the day I can walk to or order from the finest restaurants in the world, sample any type of global cuisine, shop at a multitude of ethnic markets and pick farm fresh fruits and veggies at my choice of local greenmarkets.

Con: No space. I’ve become both an expert in organization and a big-time purger as a Manhattanite. Even with an enviable storage cage in the basement of our building, I don’t have room for all the belongings and treasures my husband and I have accumulating during our lifetime. Warning to my hubby: the pelican statue is living on borrowed time.

Pro: Culture. This tiny island is home to the center of theater, music, dance and visual artsand much of it is free or low cost. So why haven’t I been to a museum in a year?

Con: No room for visitors. It’s really difficult for me to entice my middle aged buddies to come visit when they know they’ll be spending their nights on an old pull-out couch.

Pro: No room for visitors (just kidding!)

Con: Expense. People are aghast when they learn how much we spend on groceries, movies, haircuts, and home repairs, let alone the homes we live in. Want to drive yourself nuts…see what kind of house you can get outside the city for the cost of a one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan!

Pro: Health. Manhattanites are amongst the most fit Americans – mostly because of all the walking we do. We also have access to healthy food, world class gyms, public tennis and basketball courts and lots of inspiration in the form of really beautiful people everywhere you turn.

Con: Little access to nature. Because I love animals I get frustrated staring at the same six species in Manhattan: pidgeons, sparrows, crows, seagulls, squirrels and rats. Not exactly an exotic array of fauna. And flora? Well we have beautiful parks and you can enjoy them if you don’t mind being shoulder to shoulder with stroller wielding moms, skateboarders, hordes of tourists and the occasion ne’er do well. Wanna go to the beach, better book an hour or two or more to get there and compete for a square foot of sandy real estate. Unless you “summer” in the Hamptons – which we don’t. We don’t make a verb of any season, in fact.

Pro: Shopping. For a lover of all things apparel like me, walking into Bergdorf’s or Barneys is like a Viking approaching Valhalla. Sure, I shop at Banana, Loft and lots of other stores that populate malls in Bumbletown USA, but just walking by all the cute boutiques, designer flagships and vintage thrift shops  provides inspiration at the very least.

Con: Noise. Why does it seem that an ambulance of fire truck must pass under my window whenever I’m on the phone with an out-of-towner? They always exclaim, “how can you live with all that noise?” It’s not easy. I would love to sleep with the window open but the drunken revelers coming from the “high class” bars in my hood make that impossible. Taxi horns, airplanes, passersby, dogs barking, garbage trucks at 2 am, car alarms…I can’t even hear myself think sometimes. When we stay outside the city I am impressed immediately by the peace and quiet – and the depth of my sleep!

So there it is. The pros and cons, a logical presentation. But living in New York is not about logic. It truly is a calling. Overtaking all the cons is the innate understanding that this is where I belong. Just as I had that pleasant resignation at 12 years old, I still own it today. Sure I want space, peace, convenience and all that living outside Manhattan would provide, but I still envision myself as one of those old New York ladies with a jaunty scarf, taking a stroll on a wintery day by the Hudson, bickering with her cardigan-wearing husband in Fairway, and attending a fascinating lecture (for free) at night.  

So for now – and maybe forever – I’m staying