My Top Ten New York City Pet Peeves

I've wanted to write this post since I started a blog but thought it was too negative and catty. But then I realized that if I shared these simmering resentments with you, perhaps it could help alleviate the burden I feel to actually correct my fellow travelers (thus risking bodily harm.) So here goes:

#1 People Who Block the Subway Doors: I don’t get it, I really don’t get it. A 250 lb man stands smack dab in front of the doors on the platform waiting for them to open, while a dozen or so passengers must find a pinhole to squeeze by him to exit the train. This annoying process also makes the exiting/entering process twice as long as it should be. Haven’t they figured it out yet?

Then there are the self-centered geniuses who get on the train but stop as soon as they pass the threshold, not stepping one more foot in, thereby blocking all who are boarding after him/her (but we don’t exist, do we?) I’m telling you, I’m on the verge of doing something more than nudging and glaring. So help me God.

#2 Walking and Texting: Heads up baby, this is New York. On a good day we all need our wits about us as we navigate through crowds, traffic, rats, skateboarders and parked strollers. It’s no time to be absorbed in the latest text from that dude you met at the Governor’s Ball. As Ron Burgundy says, “you gotta keep your head on a swivel when you’re in a vicious cock fight.” If you bump into me you’re going to get checked like a NHL rookie.

#3 Brunch: Why would I stand and wait to get into a crowded noisy restaurant to eat eggs or French toast? I basically don’t leave my house on Sundays and I’m not going to do it just to waste $45 on a meal I can easily make myself.

#4 Oblivious Tourists: You know, the ones on the subways and streets who talk really loud in their hayseed accents about all the crazy things they are seeing as if we are just monkeys in the zoo and we don’t understand what they’re saying. Oh, and then they take photos of themselves on the train and don’t care if you’re accidentally in the shot. I don’t want to wind up in some photo album in the Ozarks, thank you.

#5-7 WardrobeViolations

#5 FreeWheeling: This is a term that my husband and I came up with that describes a woman who blatantly struts down the streets without a bra. Come summer, you see them swinging along all the time. Some are just slutty, others don’t realize that they are far beyond the age of it looking anything but insane.  

#6 Snip that Stich: Here’s a little known fact everyone should know: that cross stitch on the vent of your suit jacket/coat and on the slit of your skirt needs to be cut – it is not decorative. It was sewn to keep the garment in correct shape while being shipped to the store.  If I see one more stitched slit on the subway platform I’m slicing it off myself.

#7 Wellies: Enough with the big rubber boots – especially in the summer with a sundress, skirt or shorts. Are you really expecting a Nor’easter to come through Manhattan on

your way to work that you must wear knee high rubber insulated boots? If it’s June and it’s raining, carry a nice umbrella and stash an extra pair of shoes in your bag (or leave one under your desk.) A grown woman shouldn’t look like Paddington Bear.

#8 Half-Assed Littering: Sure I hate all littering but there’s something even more infuriating about someone deliberately placing their empty Snapple in a flower planter or some kind of upended pipe. Sure, it’s a kind of receptacle, but it’s not a garbage can. Then there are those who gently place their Big Mac wrapper or empty Doritos bag under the subway seat. As if to believe that when their refuse is out of sight it is somehow magically gone. Here’s the truth: it’s not. It’s now the job of a subway worker to get to your crap before the rats make a snack of it.

#9 Shakespeare in the Park: I’ve seen Shakespeare in the Hamptons and in Stratford Ontario but never in my own city because it is a herculean effort just to get tickets.  I’m too old and too busy to get to the Public Theater by 8am on a random weekday and wait three hours for a free ticket. It’s just not that hard in other cities. But everything in NYC is just too competitive, restricted, limited and exhausting. That goes for the fireworks, the parades, concerts and any other free event—if you somehow manage to get there, you spend your entire time fighting for (or defending) your space and dealing with many of the Pet Peeves listed above. I’d rather pay.

#10 311: This non-emergency number was a brilliant idea. But unfortunately it is staffed by NYC government employees. Steve and I have called 311 on numerous occasions: to report a cracked and dangerous sidewalk and a hazardous traffic condition, to try to find out how to remove a family of goslings who were stuck in a pipe (heartbreaking), to make a  noise complaint, to ask questions about property tax, to find out who maintains city dog runs, and probably others I don’t recall. To date we have gotten ZERO responses to any of these concerns – ZERO. Hey NYC: I can live with perilous crosswalks and loud neighbors but you have the death of several baby geese on your head.

The Six Things I Have to "Un-Learn" Each Day

What a fool I’ve been. I have been laboring under the misapprehension that life is about learning and growing. But today as I struggled to bring myself to the onerous task of doing yoga in my very own living room, I realized that life is just a series of unlearning what was wired into us as children.

Perhaps this isn’t your truth. Maybe you’re Hillary Clinton and were told by your parents that “you could do anything!” and you grew up fearless, determined, motivated and ambitious.  Hillary and I did not share a similar upbringing.  I understand now that my parents did the best they could but I find myself on a lifelong quest to undo the programming, dispel the myths and basically rewire myself in order to live a happy healthy life. Here are six examples of what I need to learn to unlearn:

1-      Food makes you happy – Ok, this is a biggie that I know many of my friends suffer from. In my family, it wasn’t so much chicken or pasta that was cause for celebration but more like cookies, cake, ice cream, chips and popcorn. They were the reward for just living life, the soothing touch for injuries great and small, the center of any gathering, and the cure for boredom.  

It’s been a lifelong struggle to un-do that message.  Sure, food is to be savored but it is not a replacement for love.  And, so I must learn that it is more important to get your nutrients from food than any thrill. Oh, and eat when you’re hungry and don’t when you’re not. Revolutionary, huh?

2-      Exercise is drudgery -  Unfortunately, I didn’t come from a Kennedy-esque clan who delighted in playing touch football with each other.  I dabbled in sports from time to time, like ice skating and tennis, but when I got bored I quit.  Other people were athletes, not us was the message, I received and so exercise for fitness sake seemed like drudgery, another chore in life’s long list of chores.

The funny thing is, I actually like some exercise. Yes, I do get bored, but instead of quitting I try to move on to something else. Once boxing became old hat, I tried boot camp. After a few months of Zumba I started Bollywood dancing. It doesn’t always feel great, but it sure feels amazing after. But I still must get over that hump of my own attitude first.

3-      Work is punishment -Despite the fact that I come from Protestant stock, I wasn't raised with the Protestant work ethic.  My mother saw her first role as mother and feared that work would take her away from us. My dad’s work did steal him from us (among some other distractions.) So I had both those messages to overcome. So, for many years my attitude was, “well you should just be happy to have me on staff.”  

Again, like exercise there are parts of work I definitely enjoy – chief among them is writing. I also like cleaning, organizing, planning and strategizing. But I still don’t like getting up early and going to an office (ie away from home.)

4-     Isolation is safety – Oh boy, this is also one I fight on a daily basis. When bad things happened at school my mother let us stay home the next day and avoid the people responsible. In fact, I loved to avoid other people more than just anything as a child. I had secret spots all over the apartment where I played alone for hours with my dolls. And that is where I want to go today when I’m feeling anxious, angry or in grief. Instead of dolls I pick up my i-pad and play endless games of Sudoku, Solitaire, Scrabble and Tetris.

The problem is that I end up feeling crappier – and even less equipped to handle people  - than when the day began. What works to get me out of a slump is antithetical to almost everything I was taught: exercise, help another, get out into the sunshine, be productive and eat well – in other words, total reprogramming.

5-     Asking for help is bothering people – Well, this one did probably come down from my Puritan ancestors. Afraid of rejection or hostility, neither of my parents asked for help much. Pride and insecurity didn’t improve the situation either.  So things were left unfixed, or undone or unaccomplished because of it.  Or, in the worst case scenario, we all just white knuckled through the unknown.

It took me decades to realize that if I enjoyed sharing my knowledge, time and stuff that maybe others wouldn’t mind either – in fact, maybe they would get something out of helping me. And so, slowly I began reaching out. The key word is slowly, because it still does not come naturally to me, like speaking French to the tourists in my neighborhood. It might not turn out well every time, but I’m trying.

6-      The world is a scary place – The funny thing is that despite the fact that this was clearly the message telegraphed to me on a daily basis I mostly ignored it as a young person. I acted in school plays, went away to a college where I knew no one and even spent a semester in eastern Europe well before the age of ATMs, cellphones and Skype.

But as I grow older, that original programming is threatens to take over. I’m afraid to leave my doggie for more than eight hours; I’m timid about working the medical profession to build my practice; I dread the prospect of moving even though I know it would be better to have more space.  The cure? I guess it’s to do it anyway. But I haven’t done those three things or even have a plan to do so. So, perhaps you all can tell me a way to overcome that one.

I really didn’t think I’d spend so much time undoing all the thoughts in my head and fighting against what sometimes feel is my nature.  But that is what life is about. Well, that and creating, laughing, loving others and fostering a warm, welcoming home. Thankfully, I don’t have to “undo” those things I’ve learned!

Have a beautiful weekend.