Do you really know anyone who likes Valentine’s day? Seriously,
because I don’t. Maybe there’s some poor soul I have never met or will never meet . I envision her as some crafty cock-eyed
optimist living in Kansas who makes her own glittery greeting cards and just
loves everything from Country music to Martha Stewart to collectible dolls.
Valentine’s Day is a scourge on this earth and causes more
ill-will than love. Personally, I believe that Valentine’s Day was the actual
cause of the Valentine’s Day massacre. From the moment we are innocent school
children we are bombarded with the fear and dread associated with this made-up
holiday. When I was young, V-Day cards were exchanged between classmates – not universally
and democratically as they are done now, but as a popularity contest. At five
years old you learned just how likable and attractive you were to your classmates by the amount (or lack of) of cards you received. This either led to
20 years of low self-esteem (if you received few or no cards) or 20 years of
exaggerated self-importance and reliance on good looks (if you received many.)
Neither is healthy, of course.
Nowadays, kids must bring cards for everyone in their class
so no feelings are hurt. But what’s the message there: don’t trust an
expression of affection because it’s probably forced. You’ll never really know
who likes you and who doesn't.
Moving on to adult life…Valentine’s Day supposedly is meant
to celebrate love, specifically romantic love (but that doesn't stop Hallmark
from marketing V-Day trinkets and cards to grandparents and office mates.) The
irony here is that if you are involved in a romantic love relationship, you don’t
really need more celebration – having the romance alone is the prize. And, if you don’t have that
kind of love in your life at the moment, you wind up feeling like some misfit
toy, depressed and unloved. Feh.
And for those single folks who think that couples are
actually enjoying the day, think again. There’s way too much pressure to make
it perfect – or at least better than your friends or that bitch who works down
the hall and gets the 100 long-stem red roses and will be whisked off to a
suite at the Mandarin Oriental, when you will be dining at Empire Szechuan.
And God forbid you are in a serious relationship but are not engaged. Oh Lordy! Even if you are not ready for such a commitment, there’s
no way you won’t be wondering if he’s going to pop the question on this day of
days. And if for some reason, you are able to push it out of your mind; your
friends will surely pick up the ball and run with it. I know of what I speak. I was with my dearest
Steve for a year when V-Day 2006 rolled around. All my girlfriends were
convinced I would get a proposal, when I knew full well that this was not Steve’s
style. Even if he understood the so-called significance of the day, he wouldn't know what to do or he would've been sending signals for weeks. He’s just not a plan-it-all
kind and keep it secret kind of guy. Nor is he one for cliché and convention. But this didn't matter.
February 15th I was forced to answer a barrage of hopefully
inquisitive phone calls from well-meaning (I hope) friends. Double Feh.
Then there are us married folks. I guess this is supposed to
be the day when we stop our hurried lives and acknowledge the one with whom we've pledge to share our lives. Well, that’s pretty sad. I don’t care how many kids
or meetings or business trips you have, if you are in love (as I am, by the
way,) expressing your love and devotion should not happen on one specific day
of the calendar – honestly it should be an everyday occurrence. I don’t mean
that you have to take a page from some cheesy couples’ romance guide by
greeting your mate at the door in a crimson negligee or a whipped cream bikini
(what a waste of dessert topping!) I’m talking about actually showing the person you
love that you love him or her by folding their shirts, or remembering their big
meeting, or noticing their haircut, or rubbing their feet or just making eye
contact while they’re telling you something important. Not to get too personal
or sappy, but I try tell my husband how much I love him and hug him before we
get out of bed just to start the day off right. I know that in a few hours – or
minutes, depending on the day – I will be criticizing him for leaving dirty
tissues on the counter or for forgetting to take his boots off when he comes
back in from the morning dog walk.
It’s so odd to me that we are being told that we should
express our love through greeting cards, flowers, candy and jewelry. What do
these things really have to do with love at all? They are pretty and ephemeral
with no deep meaning. But they do cost a bunch of money – so that’s making Wall Street happy, right?
So how am I spending V-Day? As I write this, my husband and I are in separate parts of Manhattan. I am in our condo downtown and he is in the
hospital room of a dying man. About a
week ago, an older man we know from our community took a bad fall and has been
in an induced coma. A few of our friends
have been checking on him ever since. This poor guy has lived a tough and kind
of checkered life and no one really knows if he has family or not. So when the
doctors decided to pull the plug today, my husband and his buddy decided to be there for him as he leaves this world.
Honestly, it’s a fitting way for us to spend V-Day. It is a
reminder to me of just one of the 842 reasons why I love my husband so much and
how lucky I am to have found someone of such great compassion and character.
You can keep your Godiva and keepsake lockets, I just want the opportunity to comfort him when he eventually comes home. That's a gift unparalleled value, as far as I am concerned.
And, one last thing, if no one else tells you today that they love you, know
that I do.
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